Cheers and Jeers for Friday, March 1, 2019
Be aware: Due to your insolence and treason, official White Home press statements will not be launched with little hearts over the i’s, and the breath of our White Home spokespeople will not be evenly scented with jasmine. That is your fault, you horrible, horrible peasants. Thanks for ruining all the pieces for the remainder of us, and no, this has NOTHING to do with my freakish receding hairline so shut up shut up shut up!!! —Oberunterfuhrer Stephen Miller
By the Numbers:
Days ’til spring: 19
Days ’til the 25th annual Honolulu Competition: 7
Variety of the three quarterly IAEA studies issued since Trump pulled us out of the Iran nuclear settlement that present Iran continues to be absolutely complying with it: three
Sen. Majority chief Mitch McConnell’s approval ranking in his residence state of Kentucky, in keeping with a brand new PPP ballot: 33%
Drop in U.S. soybean costs final yr, due to Trump’s tariffs: 15%
% of Maine’s‘ general energy that may come from renewable sources by 2069 below a local weather agenda introduced by Gov. Janet Mills yesterday: 100%
Estimated world inhabitants in 2050, up from 7.5 billion in 2017: 9.eight billion
Your Thursday Friday Molly Ivins Second:
The redistribution of wealth upward retains getting worse. Below President Bush’s tax proposal, the richest 10 % of Individuals will get 60 % of the advantages of the tax lower. And that is on the finish of a decade wherein the wealthy have made out like bandits whereas everybody else stalled.
Everyone knows why such choices are made: The political course of not represents the individuals — it represents cash. It has been purchased. Whereas we had been being offered a invoice of products about how the market “empowers” us as a result of we get to decide on between the mint-flavored and the cinnamon-flavored toothpaste, thus expressing our individuality, we misplaced one thing essential in our imaginative and prescient of a simply society.
Pet Pic of the Day: Up the Maine Turnpike apiece, in Lewiston, a disabled veteran whose service canine saved her life is paying it ahead…
CHEERS to March! Highlights of the month that may quickly erupt into insanity: coming in like a lion and hopefully going out like a Lamb. Count on extra Home hearings galore, in addition to Mardi Gras (the fifth) Daylight Saving Time (the 10th), Peanut Month (Warning: could include peanuts or peanut merchandise), Girls’s Historical past Month, Caffeine Consciousness Month (I am conscious! I am conscious! I am conscious!!!), St. Patrick’s Day, Lady Scout Day, Worship of Instruments Day (undecided in the event that they imply the screwdriver or the Matt Gaetz selection), One thing-on-a-Stick Day, Worldwide Girls’s Day (the eighth), the notorious Ides, the total “worm moon” on the 20th, some probably first rate films (Tim Burton’s tackle Dumbo, the doc Apollo 11, Captain Marvel with Brie Larson within the title function…oh, and solely NINE MONTHS ‘til Star Wars Episode IX!!!), and spring arrives, like this:
Poink! Poink! Poink Poink Poink!!!
I additionally consider March is likely one of the months of the yr wherein Republicans act like complete reality-denying jerks, the others being January, February, April, Might, June, July, August, September, October, November and December. Plus: as of at this time we have made it by way of one-sixth of 2019. Slap one other gold star in your tuchus and provides your self a high-five.
CHEERS to that unusual new sound within the Home. [Bam! Bam! Bam!] Oh, wow, children, did you hear that? That is the sound of Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s new Let’s Get Some Shit Achieved Round Right here gavel (to not be confused with Paul Ryan’s Let’s Maintain This Safely Locked in a Drawer Besides to Cross Tax Cuts for the Wealthy gavel). Here is what Ol’ Bam Bam achieved this week:
No f*cking wall The Home has voted to dam President Donald Trump’s emergency declaration, a measure supposed get him billions of additional dollars to construct his border wall. Democrats pushed the measure by way of the chamber by 245-182, with 13 Republicans becoming a member of them. Passage by the GOP-led Senate appears attainable subsequent month.
No extra sloppy gun gross sales, elements I and II The Home Thursday accredited one other piece of laws to broaden federal gun-control laws. The invoice offers the FBI extra time to do background checks on gun purchasers. It comes a day after the chamber handed a invoice extending the checks to personal firearms gross sales. … The newest invoice would lengthen the time sellers have to attend earlier than finishing a gun sale.
In response to NPR, “each measures face lengthy odds at changing into legislation.” And for that you may thank the Senate’s Mitch McConnell and his Let’s Maintain This Safely Locked in a Drawer Besides to Approve Proper-Wing Jesus-Freak Judges gavel.
CHEERS to the swingiest swing state in all of Swingdom. I used to be hatched at Mercy Hospital in Mount Vernon, Ohio in August of 1964, and that makes me a dyed-in-the-wool Buckeye. So it goes with out saying that at this time I am wishing a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my residence state—216 years younger. Seven mostly-crappy presidents from Ohio had been elected, and also you all properly stopped nominating us after Harding kicked the bucket in 1921. It is the one state whose flag is a pennant. And we are the proud birthplace of Steven Spielberg, Neil Armstrong, John Glenn, Orville Wright, Clark Gable, Gloria Steinem and one or two others.
Ohio can also be residence to considered one of America’s finest sitting senators: Sherrod Brown.
Oh, and within the curiosity of equity I must also point out that some individuals say Nebraska was admitted to the union on this date in 1867. Cannot say I am acquainted with it, however I am going to take ’em at their phrase
JEERS to Comedy Central’s evil twin. Yesterday marked the beginning of the annual knee-slappin’ hootenanny that’s the CPAC conference. The staunch right-wing defenders of the flyover states are holding it at their typical spot: by the D.C. beltway cesspool that they declare to despise. (See the speaker lineup right here for those who can abdomen it.) Grindr, as typical, would be the most-used app on the occasion, and so they’d like ship out this little reminder to our expensive conservative buddies:
What you may see onstage at CPAC this yr: anger, rage, loopy, tried-and-failed concepts, insanity, pretzel-twisted logic, xenophobia, homophobia, immigrant-o-phobia, Islamophobia, isolationism, birtherism (sure, nonetheless), secession and denial, denial, denial. Plus thrilling discussions concerning the groundbreaking new Republican agenda of tax cuts, partitions, annexation of the vagina and…um…did we point out tax cuts? Oh properly. Not less than some individuals will profit from the annual gathering of America‘s most vocal holier-than-thou family-values function fashions: D.C.’s hookers.
CHEERS to serving to arms. Comfortable Peace Corps Week! The group that John F. Kennedy constructed turns 58 at this time, and it is nonetheless crankin’ out the nice works:
Over 20 Peace Corps Week occasions befell throughout the nation from Feb. 24 to March 1. Actions included dialogue panels with returned volunteers, structured range dialogs, recruitment occasions, tales from the sphere and movie screenings. Returned volunteers collaborating in these occasions will share images, music, tradition and tales from their international locations of service with those that have an interest.
JFK greets Peace Corps volunteers in 1962.
The Peace Corps sends Individuals with a ardour for service overseas on behalf of the United States to work with communities and create lasting change.
Via their Peace Corps expertise, volunteers achieve a novel cultural understanding and a life-long dedication to service that positions them to achieve at this time’s world economic system.Since President John F. Kennedy established the Peace Corps in 1961, greater than 230,000 Individuals of all ages have served in 141 international locations worldwide.
Fifty-eight years later, it is nonetheless “the hardest job you may ever love.” Particularly for those who convey a number of instances of Bacardi alongside. And limes. With out limes it is insupportable.
CHEERS to enjoyable issues a president can do as his nation disintegrates from a Nice Despair. On Sunday’s date in 1931, President Herbert Heebert Hoobert signed a measure making “The Star-Spangled Banner” our official nationwide anthem. Hey, let’s all sing the third stanza! And a-one and a-two…
And the place is that band who so vauntingly swore,
Enjoyable reality: The Star Spangled Banner was initially written for solo Alpine horn.
That the havoc of conflict and the battle’s confusion
A house and a Nation ought to go away us no extra?
Their blood has wash’d out their foul footstep’s air pollution.
No refuge might save the hireling and slave
From the phobia of flight or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the house of the courageous.
On second thought, let’s simply follow the primary.
CHEERS to residence vegetation. It is a so-so weekend for watching the flickering cathode-ray tube. Chris Hayes, Rachel Maddow, and Lawrence O’Donnell undump the Friday information dump on MSNBC. (Invoice Maher is off tonight, so no Actual Time on HBO).
BREAKING: “The guide multi-channel changer (patent pending) is destined to alter the tv viewing expertise world wide and require no additional enhancements for not less than the following 200 years. Unimaginable!”
—RCA advertising and marketing division advert copy someday within the 1950s, in all probability, I guess.
New residence video releases embody Melissa McCarthy’s superb flip as author Lee Israel in Can You Ever Forgive Me? and the animated Ralph Breaks the Web. The NBA schedule is right here and the NHL schedule is right here. Comic John Mulaney hosts SNL. On 60 Minutes, a company making an attempt to enhance parity amongst women and men on the planet of laptop coding, and a freight prepare conductor recounts the evening an Amtrak prepare bumped into him in South Carolina, killing two. Sunday at eight on ABC a brand new season of—are you sitting down?—American Idol premieres like a zombie that simply cannot be put down. Homer is accused of stealing Comedian E-book Man’s automobile on The Simpsons, and Peter goes on a food regimen on Household Man. Lastly, John Oliver sends the world off to beddy-bye at 11 on HBO’s Final Week Tonight.
Now here is your Sunday morning lineup
Meet the Press: TBA
And on “A.M. Pleasure,” the A-list panels will dive into the Cohen listening to, Javanka skullduggery, and Korean summit debacle.
Face the Nation: Nationwide safety Boobitty-boo John Bolton; Home Intelligence Committee chair thrower Adam Schiff (D-CA); Sen. Doug Jones (D-AL).
This Week: TBA
CNN’s State of the Union: Nationwide safety Loop-dee-doo John Bolton; Sens. Mark Warner (D-VA) and John Kennedy (R-LA).
Fox GOP Speaking Factors Sunday: Nationwide safety whackadoo John Bolton.
Ten years in the past in C&J: March 1, 2009
CHEERS to an early St. Patrick’s Day. Your eyes aren’t deceiving you—that is a rainbow over the White Home, and on the finish of it’s a nice huge pot of price range!!! Sure, it is that point again—the day the President releases his 39,000-page monstrosity that may intestine the army, coddle the moochers, bankrupt our healthcare system and destroy the job-creating engine of our economic system!!! Or, for those who favor it in non-Fox Information communicate:
President Obama will suggest a sequence of adjustments to the tax code in a price range plan Tuesday that may shift advantages from high earners to middle- and lower-income Individuals, the White Home mentioned. In his 2015 price range plan, Obama will suggest increasing or making everlasting tax credit aimed on the working poor, households with younger youngsters, and faculty college students. Obama’s price range would additionally develop entry to retirement financial savings for individuals who wouldn’t have an employer-sponsored retirement plan.
The brand new tax breaks can be offset by eliminating tax guidelines which have benefited high earners
And likewise on this price range there’s no try to chop Social Safety. If anybody asks, these aren’t gnats buzzing across the houses of Simpson and Bowles. They’re grief counselors.
And only one extra…
CHEERS to seeing to a little bit of unfinished enterprise. We weren’t properly sufficient to publish yesterday (sorry), February 28th, however I’ll be damned if I’m going to shirk my sworn responsibility to say “Comfortable Birthday, and lots of blessings in your camels” to all of the “Leaplings” born on the 29th.
Sorry, no bissextile year Google doodle this yr.
You’d assume that if God was all nice and highly effective over all the pieces, She would have made leap years pointless. However nooooooooooo. She finished gave our planet the wibbledy-wobblies, and now there’s an unlucky group of individuals on this earth who solely get a birthday each 4 years (2020 brings with it the following February 29th). The record consists of Pope Paul III, Jimmy Dorsey, Dinah Shore, grifter Anthony Robbins, Ja Rule, and famend composer Gioachino Rossini (the Lone Ranger theme man). However by no means concern, Leapers, so long as C&J is right here we’ll at all times stuff our faces with cake and ice cream in your honor. Oh, and typically historic issues occur on the 29th, too. For instance, on this date in 1964, Australian swimmer Daybreak Fraser set a brand new world report within the 100-meter freestyle swimming competitors. Her time: 58.9 seconds. The piranhas chasing her: 59.zero.
Have an awesome weekend. And an enormous joyful birthday to Every day Kos legend aspect pocket…take pleasure in your 80% low cost at Denny’s, and lots of blessings in your camels. Flooring’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at this time?